Yo, Yo, You
by 4n71m0nyl4yn3
Summary: Matsuda receives a letter from a secret admirer... Ooh! A story my friend and I made. No OC characters here, people! So read it. You know you want to. FINALLY COMPLETED.
1. The Mysterious Letter

Disclaimer: We are not owners of Death Note, but we are owners of Matsuda...'s rap.

Kairi: Matsuda's gangster. 'Cause he knows how to roll.

Nakine: This is a very strange pairing story thing. You might catch it if you're smart, buuut... you're NOT! Not as smart as Lord Shikamaru and his partner in crime, L! AHAHAHA!!! ... -ahem- Sorry, yeah.

Kairi: GANGSTERRR!

Nakine: I'm the author of this story, as well as Kairi. (These aren't our real names, of course.) Forgive me for out-of-characterness, little description of the... well, everything, and anything else that you sly devils can rant about. It's a "crack story..." hehe... ;

Kairi: Gangster...oh gnarly...twitches eye

Nakine: O.o Ok, we'll shut up now. Enjoy.

---

_Dearest Matsuda,_

_I cannot keep these deep, heartfelt emotions pent up within me. Your beautiful black hair, playful brown eyes, and sexy personality... I burn every night thinking of you, dreaming of your figure in my arms. I wish that you would be with me to soothe this rage in my heart every moment that I have. I see you, but do you see me?_

_Oh, how I yearn for a reply in this unrequited love._

_With true love,  
W  
_

---

Yagami Souichiro was rubbing his temples, stressed out by the Kira case. He had sent off his men to investigate more and, for now, he was taking a little break.

L was sipping some tea... -.-;

And who knows what Watari was doing.

Suddenly, Matsuda burst into the room, screaming, "OH MY GOD, I GOT MAIL!"

Yagami glared at his young apprentice, and L continued... doing stuff. Yummy stuff. w ... LIKE EATING FOOD, YOU FOOLS:O ... I have a pervert next to me. o

"Um, sorry... Sir. I wasn't able to really find anything on Kira..."

This time L glared at him.

"... B-but I TRIED! Ehehe, anyway, um... I've got a secret admirer! Isn't it great, Sir? And her name starts with a W... Ahh, it's the first letter of my name upside down, too. How romantic!"

Awkward silence.

Light popped out from the bathroom; he was able to hear the older, yet more idiotic, man from even the closed doors of his stinky privacy.

"Matsuda. Shut up."

Scared by the thick tension in the air, Matsuda excused himself, claiming he was going to go search for more information on Kira. As he walked through the halls of the building, he sighed, looking at the letter that he had been holding.

_W...W...Who do I know with a W...? _he thought, then shrugged as he reached the doors and walked outside.

"Oh, Aizawa! Hey there!" Matsuda cried, seeing his acquaintance. He ran up to the man, but lost his balance and stumbled, almost falling into Aizawa.

"Hey, man, I don't lean that way!" Aizawa said, stepping back in alarm. Apparently, he's homophobic. Or at least Matsuphobic.

"I... I tripped!" Matsuda blubbered, straightening up.

"Yeah, and I'm Superman," replied the other guy sarcastically.

Matsuda looked delighted. "Oh, really? So you can fly and everything? And you, and you, and you--"

"I was just kidding." I don't think you need me to describe the tone of his voice.

"Hey, man, I was just playin' around. It was an act, okay? Don't be hatin'..." Matsuda said in defense.

Aizawa muttered ever-so quietly, "Seemed pretty convincing to me..." He stopped "hatin'" on his... friend... and asked what he wanted.

"Oh, yeah, speaking of Superman, who's pretty hip and everything, can you help me make a music video that expresses my most heartfelt emotions toward a certain special someone...?" the younger man asked nervously, then he quickly added, "And it's not my mom."

After much convincing, bribing, and blackmailing, Aizawa finally agreed to help him make a music video.

"Okay... Ugh, I can't believe I did this. Let's see how it went."

**Yo, yo, yo.  
My name iz  
Matsuda  
The police dude, uhh...**

_**(Yo, yo.)**_

**Thanks for th' letta  
I feel the same... UH!**

_**(Yo, yo.)**_

**I think I love you  
I truly do  
I know you love me  
It's off the heezy!**

_**(Yo, yo... ugh.)**_

**Hey man, don't diss me!  
Because I'm in _looove_  
Can't you see?!**

_**(Yo. Yo.)**_

**I can't rap  
So I'll shut up**

_**(Yes, YES! Thank the lord!)**_

**I LOVE YA, BABE!**

Aizawa was disgusted, whereas Matsuda was ecstatic.

"Y'know, I think we should call this 'Yo Yo, Yes!'" Matsuda exclaimed.

Aizawa sighed. "I think you didn't understand what I meant by that."

"Eh?"

"You know what Matsuda?"

"Huh?"

"Shut up."

---

Authors' Note: WE ARE ON DRUGS! YEAH!  
Light: Girls. Shut up.  
Nakine: Nuuuuuhhh! -dies-  
Kairi: NNNNAAAAKKKIIIINNNEEEEEEEE!!!  
Ryuuk: I rape apples, hyuk hyuk hyuk.


	2. W Stands For WHAT

**Disclaimer:** We do not own Death Note. We only own the term "Matsuphobic..." and, like Paris Hilton, we claim a phrase that you may all recognize as:

"Matsuda. Shut up."

**Kairi:** Can I own Matsuda?  
**Nakine: **You really want to own... MATSUDA?

**Kairi:** _pulls him out of thin air and glomps him_ Heck miyizzle!

**Review Replies:** Thanks a lot for the reviews, guys! Since there are only 5, we'll answer you...

AT THE END OF THIS CHaAPTER BWAHAHAHAHA

**Recap - Chapter One:**

Aizawa was disgusted, whereas Matsuda was ecstatic.

"Y'know, I think we should call this 'Yo Yo, Yes!'" Matsuda exclaimed.

Aizawa sighed. "I think you didn't understand what I meant by that."

"Eh?"

"You know what Matsuda?"

"Huh?"

"Shut up."

---

Yo, Yo, You

**Chapter 2**

_Dearest Matsi-chan,_

_I deeply appreciate the lovely video you sent me in reply to my letter. It was very "hip" and "cool." Is that what's used these days? Was that Aizawa in the background? The two of you have beautiful voices, but yours is absolutely superb. Oh, don't mind my fancy speech; it comes to me naturally, because of my rich background. MONEY WAHAHA!!! Oh, how I wish to have you see who I really am!_

_My highest regards and deepest affections,_

_Your beloved,_

_Adoring,_

_W_

---

Matsuda suddenly burst into the squadroom, still in his pajamas, interrupting all that was calm, yelling, "OH MY GOD! I GOT MAIL! AGAIN!"

Everyone stared at his pajamas. With a face like this: O.O!! He was wearing a coconut bra paired with a flittering, glittery grass skirt.

Light walked out of the bathroom again. (A/N: He goes to the bathroom quite a lot, eh?) Instantly, he made the same surprised face. "Matsuda, what the hell is that?"

Matsuda looked down at himself. He then looked back up and blushed. "Um...L...? Can I...um...go home and, uh...change?"

"Go ahead." Matsuda ran out, his face scarlet. And as he pranced out of the doorway, his skirt seemed to flutter off gracefully, exposing all that was there. He did not seem to notice. (A/N: Don't try to picture it; you'll hurt yourselves.)

L was not surprised by Matsuda's clothing. Because L was a genius among geniuses, he geniusly found out with his geniosity that Matsuda would wear something as ridiculous as... THAT. The chance of it happening was approximately 93 and a bagel. But he did not dare think about what just happened again. That shows how smart he is. (Nakine: _smiles triumphantly_)

Ide looked around, apparently very confused. He dramatically looked from where Matsuda had been standing (with the skirt stuck under the door) to the Mogi, looking for an explanation, but receiving none. Then he looked questioningly at L and the Deputy Chief. Yagami briefly explained how Matsuda had been receiving letters from a mysterious enigma that simply adored him, which was very strange. Ide was about to give a sarcastic remark at how hopeless Matsuda was when he came to meeting ANYONE (he's Matsuphobic?), when suddenly Matsuda opened the door with a BANG! and PYOO KSSSHHHKKK crack!!! Okay, not really.

"Sorry I took so long... _pant_... Once I got home and changed, I had the sudden urge to check my iSpace, and then... yeah." His face was still tinted pink and he was out of breath, as he had been running.

Many in the room rolled their eyes. L just pointed to the crumpled grass skirt glittering on the floor. Matsuda's face flushed again.

At the mention of flush, it was time in Light's schedule to use the bathroom again.

After all...

When a man's gotta go...

You move out of the way. 

Especially when it's Light. D:

:SDFkhgveuijdcopdc ANYWAY

Suddenly, L got a message from Watari. As soon as the old man saw Matsuda, he froze, then suddenly cut off the call. L looked confused (OMG?!!), then glared at Matsuda.

"Matsuda... What did you do?!"

"I-- I... I don't know!" Matsuda whined in a high pitched voice. Right after Matsuda shrieked, Aizawa suddenly figured it all out. His eyes immediately went wide.

"Oh. My. God," he said as it dawned upon him.

"What?! What?!" Matsuda exclaimed, but his "friend" just waved a hand at him.

"Matsuda... Shut up for a minute!" Aizawa was thinking, very hard... when suddenly...

"OMG LOL WATARI LOVES MATSUDA!!! XDDD" Light yelled out, laughing his butt off. Wait, is he still in the bathroom? ... Weird. How did he see Watari?! xD

... Ryuuku?

Everyone was stunned, except for Yagami Souichiro, who wailed, "NNNOOOO!!! MY LOOOVVVEEE!!!!"

Then the old man fell to his knees.

DUN DUNN dunnn!

---

**Author's Note:** Cliffhanger! And to those of you confused by Souichiro's comment, there was a Death Note video on Newgrounds that suggested it (not really). But we actually twisted it up more, so yeah. The video was just an inspiration.

Now onto the reviews, featuring Misa! She will answer them. :D

**Lina-chan13:** I think that was, like, totally explained in this chapter! But did you see all of the appearances of Light-kuuun? He is so cute! And he's so smart, figuring it out! So your questions answered, YAY! And Matsuda's, like, WAY too dumb to even write a letter! Hee hee!

**Tishu: **Hey, Nakine and Kairi are totally thankful for the compliment! Um, they told me to say that they try really hard, and hope you, like, liked this chapter, too! But you know who was the best? LIGHT-BABY!!!

**Saulie: **Pffft! Matsuda getting an award just for living? I think Light should-- what? Stop glaring at me! Hmph! Fine! Anyway, we're so glad you found it funny! But, you know, cranberry juice? Like, yuck! I never drink it, because it makes me look WAY fat later on! I mean, you should, like, get a diet of only eating air and drinking negative-calorie water! Like me! (Authors: Misa... be nice. _sigh_)

**Kimitachi-no-Karada-wa-Itami:** Yeah, I guess Matsy is pretty cool, even if he's nothing compared to my beloved! I think it is pretty cool to see other people have stories of their own, especially LOVE stories! _sigh_ Speaking of LOVE, you should totally read some stories about me and Light! YEAH! Those stories are the bomb-diggity.

**AnimeNutsy:** Like, that Wedy lady is SO ugly! Ew! I can't think of Matsuda with Watari either, but then again... I'm not sure if I can think at all! LOL! I only think for Light, of course! And at least it's not my Light that's in love with Matsu-chan! Hee hee!

**Nakine:** Umm... thanks, Misa... (?) And thanks again to all of our reviewers! We're sorry for the long wait. But now we reach the climax!

**Kairi:** Yeah, and this chapter is gangsta! Like Matsuda! Right, Kimitachi?

**Matsuda: **Yo! _happy smile_

**Kairi:** _tackleglomps_

**Matsuda: **Mogi... help... mee...

**Mogi: **...


	3. The Asparagus Bundle

**Disclaimer, fools: **We do not own Death Note. Neither do you. Unless you do. Then this would be very awkward...

**Nakine: **The stunning conclusion...

**Kairi: **After years and years of waiting!

**Recap – Chapter Two**

"OMG LOL WATARI LOVES MATSUDA!!! XDDD" Light yelled out, laughing his butt off. Wait, is he still in the bathroom? ... Weird. How did he see Watari?! xD

... Ryuuku?

Everyone was stunned, except for Yagami Souichiro, who wailed, "NNNOOOO!!! MY LOOOVVVEEE!!!!"

Then the old man fell to his knees.

DUN DUNN dunnn!

* * *

Yo, Yo, You

_Oh, Matsi-poo!_

_I cannot hold it in any longer. My feelings are going to burst out of me! I am afraid they will explode in a fiery passion like no other! Baby, I have to see you. I have to tell you...face to face. No longer will I run. Tonight, I will be brave. Tonight, I WILL GET SOME!_

_Until then (wink),_

_Your dearest,_

_W_

Matsuda's cell phone vibrated, distracting him from the shocking revelation. He looked in his inbox and saw the message. The mysterious W...whom he now knew the identity of!

Or does he?

"No, it cannot be! My precious W could not be Watari! C-can't--"

The rush of running water interrupted Matsuda's deranged gibberish. The bathroom door creaked open as Light casually stepped out.

"Whoo! I feel so relieved," Light said to himself, stretching. "Anyway, on to business; Matsuda...shut up. We've already determined his identity, and I am never wrong. ."

Matsuda still refused to believe. "B-but Light, this is outra--"

Light stared the older man down. The police officer shrunk back. "Ah, ah, ahh. Whose father is your boss?"

Pathetically, Matsuda answered, "Your father..."

"Who's the smartest student in all of Japan?"

"You are..." the man squeaked.

"EXACTLY! AND YOU DARE TO DEFY ME?! WHO DO YOU THINK I AM?! I. AM. KIRAAAA!!!"

L glanced up from his strawberry parfait. "What now?"

"Oh, uh, n-nothing! Carry on, carry on! Ahem," Light stuttered, flailing. He then fled to the bathroom. Somehow, his suspicious act worked and the members of the Kira Case paid him no mind. L was too distracted by the yummy parfait to care about his surroundings anyway.

"I can't take the pressure. I need to straighten out my thoughts for a while, you guys," Matsuda mumbled. No one seemed to really care. They were discussing the possibility of Watari as the secret admirer amongst themselves.

"Do you really think so? I mean, it's too weird," Aizawa muttered. "I mean, who could everlike ?"

"That's horrible, Aizawa. At least someone wants to be with him," Ide said, shaking his head.

Mogi added, "Besides his mom."

"I CAN'T ACCEPT THIS!" Souichiro shrieked. "WATARI IS MINE! Oh, my love...how could you betray me so?!"

The small, huddled group fell silent, with the exception of the Chief's muffled sobs. They slowly (and awkwardly) drifted away from the distraught man, their eyes trained on him for any sudden movements.

As Matsuda reached for the doorknob, Watari suddenly slammed the wooden barrier open, squeezing the poor man between the door and the wall.

"Enter Watari!" the old man announced dramatically. "Where, oh where is my darling? I must be brave! I must confess to him my burning love!"

"Y-you're kind of killing him..." Aizawa pointed out. Matsuda grunted painfully and pushed the door off. He turned uncomfortably toward Watari, whose gaze was fixed upon the young man.

"Matsi-chan...I--"

"I can't!"

"You _can_!"

"Wh-what? I just said I can't! I, I need to get out of here!" Matsuda exclaimed and headed for the elevator outside, but before he could escape, Watari pulled him back.

"You must listen to me! I love you, Matsuda Touta, and want to be with you, always! Marry me, dammit!" His grasp on Matsuda loosened, and the frightened man fled from the building. "MATSUDAAA!!!" The older gentleman fell to his knees in despair.

(like this: OTL)

Souchiro shuffled toward Watari nonchalantly and told him, "Well, you always have me. Just so you know. You do know this, right baby?"

Watari faced him in disgust. "You're too damn old."

* * *

The streets were busy and humid. People were scurrying at every corner, selfishly absorbed in their own business. Matsuda, too, was caught up in his own thoughts. His slow pace clashed with Japan's bustling atmosphere; the anguish he displayed was obvious and alarmed those who passed by. People carefully backed away from him, mothers keeping their children close, men keeping their eyes locked on the ground ahead of them. This ostracising made him feel even worse.

_"Dearest Matsi..."_

_"OMG LOL WATARI LOVES MATSUDA XDDD"_

_"I have to tell you..."_

_"Besides his mom."_

_"Marry me, dammit!"_

_"MATSUDAAA!!!"_

He stopped in his tracks. His eyes were large, clear now. He knew what he had to do. He knew he had to face him; running away wouldn't help. And those feelings...were they not real? Was he not excited when he found that someone, anyone, truly loved him? Matsuda turned and sprinted back to headquarters, catching up to Tokyo's speed at last.

* * *

Complete devastation.

That was the state Watari was in after having been rejected. No one was able to comfort him, regardless of whether they wanted to or not. L, although disgusted by his guardian's sexual preference, felt pity for the old man's broken heart.

"I thought he felt the same way. His eyes, they always shone with such sincerity..." Watari cried. Surprisingly, Mogi kneeled next to him.

"I understand you must feel betrayed, but think about how Matsuda must feel. He had no idea who you were. He's just a little shocked. Give him time to sort his emotions out."

All this time, Ryuuku watched in amusement. "Hyuk hyuk, they're killing me here. Humans are so weird." He scanned the room for Light. "Is he still in the bathroom? What is he doing in there?"

The shinigami floated past the wall with ease. A second later, he came out.

"Note to self: never check on Light when he's alone. Hyuk hyuk...huuu T___T"

_Click_.

The door opened. This time, it was neither dramatic nor sudden. Matsuda leaned against the doorframe, his eyes staring deep into Watari's with a conviction that would make shoujo fangirls squeal annoyingly like they always do. "Yo, Watari...I've decided."

Watari slowly rose to his feet. "Yes, my love?"

"I do."

"Oh! Oh! Oh, Matsi-chan!" Watari leaped up gracefully, his eyes glittering happily. And Matsuda caught him in a nice, warm man-hug. Everyone else in the room watched in a mixture of fear and confusion (except Light).

"Baby, I'm all yours."

* * *

A month and eight days later, in Las Vegas...

Watari stepped down the aisle in perfect rhythm, his flowing, lacy white wedding dress cascading behind him. In his hands was a lovely bundle of asparagus stalks, because it can't get any weirder, right? Right? The transparent veil hid the bashful bride's(?) face. L followed behind, disgruntled, with a look of dread, the wedding ring cushioned on the pillow he held.

Once he reached Matsuda's side, they exchanged vows.

"You may now kiss the bride. Er, that is, whichever one of you _is_ the bride."

Before engaging in the action, Watari threw the asparagus bundle into the crowd. No one dared to catch it or even touch it.

* * *

Everyone returned to some cheap motel to celebrate(?). Many wept, few actually congratulated the newlywed couple. Either way, they were happy.

"What made you change your mind?" Aizawa asked Matsuda after the party was over.

"Well, I thought long and hard, but it's not about being a man or a woman, young or old. It's about two things. One: true, unconditional love!"

"You only got, what, two letters from the guy?"

Matsuda corrected him, "_And_ text!"

"Well, that's more love than you've probably ever received. So what's the second reason?"

Matsuda crossed his arms and nodded proudly. "Two: the guy is stinkin' rich!"

(Aizawa: =____=)

"So you're a gold digger."

"Yup!" Matsuda agreed. He then noticed L lusting over the wedding cake. "Ryuzaki! Hey, Ryuzaki!" The genius detective's expression quickly turned sour.

"What is it, Matsuda?"

"Who's yo' daddy!"

"Shut up, Matsuda, just shut up!"

_**fin**_

* * *

**Nakine: **What the hell was that crap? D-did I really help produce this?

**Kairi: **Yes, yes you did. It's okay, it's okay. -pats Nakine's knee-

**Nakine: **Well, we hope you guys...enjoyed(?) this semi-serious conclusion to our story. And, no, Matsuda never gets any money out of their relationship, even after Watari dies.

**Kairi: **Mwahaha, spoiler!

**Nakine: **Kind of a late warning...

**Aizawa: **Was I the only sane person in this story?

**L: **Seems like it. Didn't I catch a certain someone admitting he was Kira as well?

**Light: **Uhh... Did I ever even come out of the bathroom?

_Thank you for reading!_


End file.
